In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of click bait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.
Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.
Wizkid’s 5 minutes of nothing new
Wizkid’s fans have been waiting for something new from the singer since the turn of the year, and while he keeps feeding them with collaborations, his latest with DJ Tunez is clearly five minutes and 11 seconds of nothing new.
You know those songs you record on a sunny afternoon when Lagos sun has dried up your creative juices?
You do? Good. That is ‘Gbese’.
The single, produced by Blaqjerzee, will only remind you of Zlatan’s ‘Zanku’ and ‘Fefenefe’, a classic song by Ghana’s Tic Tac and Nigeria’s Tony Tetuila — and nothing more.
Mavin’s Rema needs to give Wiz back his sound. ASAP. Or is he truly the new Wizkid?
Lamentations of Zlatan
Less than one week after he was temporarily let go by the Economic and Financial Crimes Commission, Zlatan Ibile has put out a song supposedly about his four-day detention.
But as it would turn out, the song does everything but document his holiday with the anti-graft agency.
Instead, ‘4 days in Okotie Eboh’ is simply a diss track to his haters, detractors, fair-weather friends and other perceived enemies.
He raps: “We eat and drink together. Just four days and you can’t hide your hatred for me. You guys didn’t expect me to return. Nobody is holy and don’t be quick to judge.”
Zlatan is right. Nobody expected him to return so soon to milk the bad publicity.
Uche Ogbodo tastes karma
“Kemi is right ooo… let’s be honest for once.”
The above phrase was all it took for Uche Ogbodo to taste Eniola Badmus’ unfiltered ire after commenting on Kemi Oluloyo’s unsolicited Instagram weight-advice.
And in the spirit of let’s be honest, Badmus made sure to let Ogbodo know her opinion of the rather disturbing nude photoshoot that struggled in futility to break the internet.
The Gbogbo Big Girl took her colleague to the abyss of the photo-sharing platform, called her “dead”, “ugly”, and even went as far as hinting trolls, fans, and others that she has a bladder control problem.
Moral of the story: your Instagram comment may be your undoing.
Marley eats humble pie
During his appearance in court the other day, Naira Marley cut the picture of a high school ‘big boy’ who boasts about his invincibility but cries like a baby on assembly ground when it’s time to chop cane.
As he was remanded in prison over allegations of internet fraud, Marley looked sober and, I dare say, remorseful.
For one who has been arrested over 100 times, his behaviour is akin to an amateur’s.
Attention Yahoo Boys, Oritsefemi needs you
Oritsefemi is upset with Yahoo Boys, and it’s not because he feels they are a threat to society’s sanity. No, he’s not bothered about that.
The singer’s grudge is that they are not sharing the love, case in point, buying cars for artistes.
According to Oritsefemi, he will be a very happy man if a Yahoo Boy buys him a car.
Hear him: “We can see politicians buying cars for artistes. Let’s call a spade a spade. Yahoo boys are helping themselves, not other people. Artistes in the entertainment industry are struggling by themselves.
“Since I’ve known some of my yahoo friends, they’ve never helped me. If they can help me, I’ll agree. We see artistes struggling but yahoo boys are out enjoying themselves. If they can help the industry, I’ll be happy.”
Eyin boys, come through for ‘Femi.
Senate pop star Dino
Nigerians love drama and our lawmakers know how to entertain us, sometimes even better than Nollywood.
Dino Melaye, the senator/upcoming singer who once made a cameo in a rap video, has yet again done what he’s best known for; releasing diss tracks.
This time around, Governor Yahaya Bello of Kogi state is the subject of his one-minute single.
At this rate, it’s high time Dino got a record deal.
Meanwhile, can someone help the democratic evangelist adjust his camera so it stops cutting off his head?
You have to envy Wizkid and Tiwa Savage. I know I do.
How nice would it be to have a female best friend I can spank on the bum whenever I want?