In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of clickbait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.
Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.
Here goes:
The Nigerian in Cardi B
Last weekend, Cardi B came to the motherland and all hell was let loose – on social media and the streets of Lagos and Accra.
The rapper – who was more than keen to explore Lagos – made sure to visit her former colleagues in the exotic dancing business to pay her respects and bless their backsides with thousands of N200 notes.
Although her Instagram Stories were more interesting than her Lagos concert, Cardi B was unfazed as she proceeded to Ghana for Part II.
Not long after she landed in the land of Black Stars, the country’s Instagram celebrities trooped out to see her like new converts during a special Sunday service.
But unfortunately, Cardi was trapped in the toilet, doing a protracted Number 2 session after eating Ghanaian Kebab.
And before she could finish her private business, Wendy Shay, Afia Schwarzenegger and her co. stormed social media to start a war of words.
After all the hullabaloo simmered, Cardi B returned to Instagram to sing ‘I can’ kill myself’.
Yomi Black vs Toke Makinwa
The visit of Cardi B also inspired a nasty spat between Toke Makinwa and Yomi Black.
Upset by the immense love Cardi B’s “crass, loud, and morally corrupt” actions received from Nigerians, Makinwa made sure to call us out on our collective hypocrisy.
But Mr Black just couldn’t siddon-look and mind his business. He had to share another person’s post bashing Makinwa for being two-faced.
Makinwa, renowned for spilling everything that transpired in her last marriage, did not disappoint us when she decided to share an old, private conversation with Black.
And boy! The revelation was enlightening.
Now, what did we learn?
- Black is Toke’s closet fan and licks her ass in DMs.
- Toke has done many free jobs for Black and has defended him against people he owed money.
- Toke has “receipts of how much of a loser” Black is.
- Black’s demand for freebies from Toke has been turned down.
- Toke once “fed the cast and crew” of Black’s “shameless sham of a set”.
Expensive Banana
Sometimes, art just does not make sense. How does one explain taping a banana to the wall and calling it art?
The other day, at an art show in Miami, the world’s most expensive banana was shockingly stripped off the wall and brazenly eaten by a hungry artist.
The banana, which grabbed headlines worldwide, is apparently worth an estimated $120,000.
When asked why he ate the pricey banana, David Datuna – the hungry artist – said “I’m not a regular human”.
Makes sense; an irregular human eating an irregular banana.
Miracle-Working Flyer
Last Sunday, Bishop David Oyedepo added a very potent weapon to the arsenal of many Nigerian comedians.
According to the famous cleric, his anointing is so strong that flyers bearing his face are also miraculous.
When he narrated how his church’s flyer spoke in tongues and freed a woman from kidnappers, his audience couldn’t help but let out a round of laughter.
Meanwhile, watch out for the Nollywood adaptation of the true life story.
Side-EYE
To promote the relaunch of her skincare business, Ifu Ennada took to Instagram to feign depression.
Because she desperately needed to get our attention, the reality TV star believed that pretending her business had failed was the best form of publicity stunt.
When next she has a new product, what will it be? Act like she’s a victim of domestic violence?
Nonsense.
