Japa is a common theme amongst Nigerians both at home and abroad; everyone talks about it. Young Nigerians with a troubled heart aspire to Japa and live the life that they’ve always dreamed of. They want to abscond from the heinous rulership of Nigerian leaders and find a more prosperous environment where they can thrive and create a life worthwhile for themselves and possibly, members of their family.
Listening to other people’s Japa story is usually quite humorous to me. There are days you laugh at someone else’s story, and other times, you’re the laughing stock.
In this moment, though, I got to understand a narrative broader than a mere Japa story. I understood why men prefer to deal with their Nigerian counterparts rather than those with whom they reside or come across in Europe or North America. I’m in no position to judge people’s decision to take a life partner or whom to marry; however, I must pay keen attention to what they are not saying and nitpick the truth from fallacy. Follow me as my friend from a house party explained why he decided to settle for a woman from Nigeria.
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Quam: ‘Nigerian Women in Nigeria Are Better’
I was at a house party last weekend; it was hosted by a close friend of mine. A Nigerian. Of course, the event was attended by a little over twenty people, predominantly Nigerians, then a few other Africans and one white person from Finland.
While a coterie of people were enjoying themselves at the party, several others were on the balcony, giving in to some of our vices- we live, we learn, and laughed as we traded stories.
I was with two of my Nigerian friends, Mayowa and Quam, the latter was married, the former, like myself, wasn’t. Quam is in his 40s; however, due to his boyish looks and boisterous personality, you would mistake him who someone who is 26 years old. A journeyman, he left Nigeria during Olusegun Obasanjo’s regime as Nigeria’s president in the early 2000s.
From the Netherlands to the United Kingdom, Canada, and now, Finland, Quam is a polyglot who understands various languages and knows how to connect with different generations- his and those younger than him, such as people like Mayowa and me.
Quam is the primary character in this story, and we’ll be taking lessons from my conversation with him.
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Divorce And Mental Health Ailment
Now in his 40s, Quam was previously married to a Caucasian lady. She was much older; at the time, he was only 25 while his ex-wife was 42. At the time they met in the early 2000s, she already had two teenage sons, who, Quam, physically assaulted him and chased him out of the house on several occasions.
Eyes almost teary, Quam gulped the drink from the glass cup as he further explained that he had to wage war not only against his stepchildren, but also, he had to remain in the marriage for several years just so that he could secure his permit to remain in the Netherlands. He was chased out of the house on numerous occasions, albeit he still needed to send funds back home to his family in Nigeria (atypical of the Nigerian man).
Eventually, Quam walked out of the marriage after he was picked up by the police for physically attacking one of his ex-wife’s sons. According to Quam, he was imprisoned for several months before he was eventually freed. This newfound freedom inspired him to begin again.
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Following his ordeal in the Netherlands, Mr. Quam headed to the United Kingdom, where he was described as ‘Nigeria’s 37th state.’ He met several Nigerians; he felt at home, unlike the Netherlands, where he spent so much time trying to fully embrace the Dutch and French languages. As a Nigerian, of course, he didn’t need to learn how to speak English, so fitting in was quite easy.
Also, in the United Kingdom, especially places such as Birmingham and London, you’ll always find a black person, not necessarily a Nigerian, but someone whom you can relate to.
After spending several months in the United Kingdom, Derby specifically, Quam met a Nigerian lady at a local church. He was happy and prepared to see where the relationship heads. A nurse, Quam, was happy things were beginning to align for him, as all he had to do now was secure a high-profile job so that he could walk down the aisle with his fellow Nigerian.
Like everything else, it started great until it didn’t.
Quam, being a Nigerian man, began to feel emasculated when his new Nigerian babe asked him to wash plates, clean the apartment, and walk her puppy, I mean, a dog?
Infuriated by her demands, Quam and his Nigerian lover were always engaging in a war of words, and most times, their altercation got physical. Reminiscent of what happened in the Netherlands, but this time from his kind, Quam decided to end things with his Nigerian babe and focus on his hustle.
It is important to note that Quam only left the relationship with his Nigerian partner in the UK after it was discovered that she was still engaging in coitus with the father of his child. A vicious cycle for Quam, who was now in his mid to late 30s when this new event unraveled.
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Why Nigerian Men Prefer Women at Home
After spending almost two decades outside Nigeria, Quam eventually decided to visit his home country. Without a child of his own or a family, Quam mentioned that he is ready to start a life with a Nigerian woman who he perceives to have African values and is interested in building a healthy family.
Eventually, he met a beautiful young lady named Uyaima at a wedding ceremony. He made his intention known with immediate effect, and the couple were able to attain their collective objective, which is to find love and affection.
Quam later mentioned that his wife has been able join him within six month after their ceremony took place.
Conclusion: Major Key Takeaways
Most Nigerian men, like Quam, prefer Nigerian women based in their home country because of relatability. That is, they want someone whom they can relate to and share similar values, such as religion, culture, and language. Quam, who is Yoruba, from the western part of Nigeria, is married to an Igbo woman, who is from eastern Nigeria. However, he said he doesn’t mind as it’s only geographical zones that differ and not their understanding of culture and value system.
Quam also mentioned that his wife is simply the best chef he’s ever seen. According to him, she prepares some of the most impeccable dishes he’s ever had, and he is healthier than he’s ever been since he travelled abroad.
