In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of clickbait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.
Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.
Back off Lucifer
As if a childhood of being scared shitless by his parent’s movies was not enough, Joshua Bamiloye has now added more fuel to the fire of our collective trauma.
According to the son of Mike and Gloria Bamiloye of Mount Zion fame, the devil is using certain television shows to brainwash us.
Joshua says the devil, also known as Satan or Esu, is gradually winning our souls with ‘Lucifer’, an American television series showing on Netflix.
He says: “Satan is far more smarter than we think” and “he’s turning as many hearts as he can to himself using MOSTLY the media”.
So, basically, Joshua is inferring that most of us are nothing but pencils in the hand of the devil.
Game of Hell
It’s a tough time to be alive, particularly at this moment in history when conspiracy theorists are hitting us left, right and centre.
Victor Eghan, a Ghanaian pastor, says we may all be going to hell fire, the pit where you burn for eternity without dying.
Our love for ‘Game of Thrones’, he says, makes us potential candidates for the place where unrepentant sinners go.
Hear him: “Dear Christian and Game of Thrones fan, is this the kind of content you want to fill your mind with? What happened to Philippians 4:8? Is this the kind of things you want your daughter or son to engage in? Rape, murder, and immorality?”
Thankfully, Pastor Freeze of the Free The Sheeple Movement says “it is absolutely un-scholarly and downright hypocritical to tell people to stop watching ‘Game of Thrones’ without telling them to also stop reading the Bible, because there is hardly any difference between the story lines of both”.
Even though his “hardly any difference” point is way too farfetched, we are inclined to ignorantly nod in agreement — because we can’t break up with GOT.
Come back next week, Pastor Victor.
Burna’s phone seized
Since the Mr 2kay robbery saga threatened to end his career, Burna Boy has been a good boy and the real life/social media good behaviour has ushered in blessings aplenty.
But just as he was starting get a hang of being boring, Burna being Burna pulled a Burna move by declaring himself an ‘African giant’.
Since then, he has jumped from one controversial matter to another in the sea of social media — and weathered the accompanying criticisms.
However, it now appears that his management has finally succeeded in seizing his phone
“I am leaving all social media platforms permanently. They are now strictly for my show dates and new music. My social media will now be in the full control of my management. Love and positivity to all,” Burna Boy announced.
Don’t be fooled, he’ll back soon. One day after romancing Mary Jane intensely, he’ll sneak into the lawless streets of Twitter.
EFCC tenant Marley
You call him Naira Marley, but many not familiar with street-hop only know him as the alleged fraudster-singer who made the peace sign in a group mugshot taken after his arrest by the EFCC.
While his ‘Am I A Yahoo Boy’ accomplice Zlatan Ibile has been temporarily released, Marley is drowning in the quicksand of his Yahoo Yahoo advocacy.
Naira Marley : simi see trouble, am I a yahoo boy ?
*EFCC picks him up*
Naira Marley: pic.twitter.com/FNbKyq1NzK
— Father Figure (@JuwonDoye) May 13, 2019
The EFCC says Marley is still enjoying the agency’s hospitality because “overwhelming evidence” was found in his laptop. There are even feelers that the singer who was arrested on his birthday might be charged to court.
This experience should be a walk in the park for Marley. After all, he has “been arrested 124 times in England”.
Rema, the underage king
Since everyone who has a hit song, album or EP gets called ‘legend’, ‘icon’, ‘GOAT’ and other such terms, who can blame Rema for calling himself the “new king”?
After a few minor hits and PR-overdrive, the talented social media sensation has declared that he is “here to take over”.
If the singer, whose birth names are Divine Ikubor, is the new king of Nigerian music, what then is 2baba or the unidentical twins; Wizkid and Davido?
Ancestors of Nigerian entertainment?
After Nigerians on social media begged Asa for years to release new material, you’d think she’d rack up millions of views in 24 hours after her return.
Sadly, as at last count, her new offering, ‘The Beginning’, is well below 70, 000 views on YouTube.
Yet again, Nigerians have proven that — these days — you can only win with pangolo music.