TrueYarn: Tonto’s Dirty Laundry, Ayade’s Spiritual Budget & Headies’ Audio Car
In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of clickbait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.
Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.
Here goes:
Headies’ Audio Car
Imagine our collective shock, bewildered amazement, and unbridled bemusement when Mr Eazi revealed that organisers of the Headies Awards literally scammed him.
Apparently, his car prize for the 2016 next-rated award was never given to him. Turns out that the vehicle was for ‘borrow-pose and return to the dealership’.
Mr Eazi, having been patient and quiet for almost four years, finally spilled the beans a few days ago when HIP TV’s Twitter account tweeted about his relationship.
Now that the cat is out of the bag, one wonders if Wande Coal, 9ice, Reekado Banks and Rema ever received cars from Headies.
Or was it only Eazi that got scammed? Now, that is what happens when your loyalty is torn between Ghana, London and Nigeria.
Yahaya Bello’s Fantasy
When desperation set in before the last Kogi governorship crowning, Governor Nasir el-Rufai of Kaduna knelt down to beg for forgiveness on Yahaya Bello’s behalf.
He asked Kogites to forgive the mistake-prone young governor who has fought so many people in the state.
Shortly after he was re-installed as governor, Bello went on air to say El-Rufai knelt down to beg the people of Kogi to forgive him “for providing roads, for providing electricity and for providing security”.
At this point, it is safe to conclude that Bello is a terrible comedian whose jokes can give you a bad case of ulcer pain if you take in too much.
Clearly, the Kogi state he is governing is different from the Kogi the people of Kogi are residing in.
Ayade’s Spiritual Budget
Governor Ben Ayade of Cross River is back again to confuse the people of his state with complex grammar.
The governor, it appears, only delves into his scientific grammar arsenal whenever it is budget time.
What better way to bamboozle the people of his state and get them disinterested in the whole budget thing?
In case you missed it, the 2020 document is called ‘Budget of Olipotic Meristemasis’, a close ally of the equally scientific ‘Budget of Qabalistic Densification’ in 2019.
Meanwhile, it may interest you to know that Ayade himself said his “ambition is not driven by reason, economic or financial analysis” – but by spiritual force.
Tonto’s Dirty Laundry
The well-hidden dirty laundry of Nollywood actress Tonto Dikeh recently found their way to the public domain.
Fans and non-fans were richly spoilt for choice as juicy gist after juicy gist popped up, courtesy of Auntie Stella – now known as Old local blogger.
According to Old Local Blogger, Tontolet is the destroyer of Ini Edo’s marriage after snatching and sleeping with her ex-husband.
She also educated us on the fact that Yellow Poko often goes to Dubai to eat human waste with her best friend.
Side-EYE
A few days ago, serial entrepreneur Glory Osei decided to give her haters a wordy Christmas gift – exactly one month before Christmas.
In what is a belated attempt at fighting back the criticisms of underhand business dealings, Glory unleashed the one-sided story of her entrepreneurship life.
But even with 186 tweets, we still failed to catch her drift.
