In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of click-bait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.

Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.

Here goes:

Ubi’s amazing N10bn

No amount of baby-mama drama and allegations of fraud can scuttle Ubi Franklin’s PR drive, it appears.

The artiste-manager who has been accused of shady dealings says he has made — sorry ‘transacted’ — N10 billion since 2012.

But unfortunately, the father of many says a major part of that money was spent on flossing.

Yes, we heard ‘flossing’. Perhaps he meant ‘flexing’, but because his diction needs ‘flossing’, it sounded weird.

Meanwhile, Julius Agwu’s former PA said he “can’t argue with you” if his N10bn claim is doubted.

With baby mamas springing up around him like mushrooms, Mr. Franklin may soon find his incredible disclosure an undoing.

 

Respect my window seat

Billionaire Tonye Cole recently donned the apparel of Instagram blogger when he chose to publicize a “very minor thing” between Prof Wole Soyinka and an unnamed chap who will forever be known as Mr. Bobo Fine.

Although Prof has since said he’s over the incident, ‘Cole The Respect Defender’ described the well-built Bobo Fine as a youth who lacks “respect for elders” — by insisting that he gets the window seat he paid for.

As expected, proponents of Cole’s outburst have been all too quick to agree with the tired saying of “this generation lacks home training”.

Meanwhile, opponents of his stance have urged him to sell all his stake in Sahara Energy and share the proceeds to the underprivileged elders in his village.

Respectful act, no?

 

Emperor Ganduje of Kano

Someone recently said, “freedom of expression” is akin to “hate speech” in the lexicon of His Invincible Emperor (HIE) Abdullahi Ganduje of Kano.

That ‘someone‘ may have a point because a magistrate court sitting in Kano has sentenced Mohammed Yusuf, a singer, to two years imprisonment for mocking the man nicknamed Gandollars.

Yusuf was accused of releasing a song without the approval of the Kano State Censorship Board and also for defaming the character of the imperial leader.

After surviving the alleged dollar bribery saga and winning re-election despite reported opposition by a now-persecuted monarch, it’s quite understandable that Emperor Ganduje will be feeling very insecure and so-sensitive.

 

Square butts

According to the ‘smoking nun’ better known as Beverly Osu, we are now in the era of square butts.

For the sake of national sanity and benefit of aspiring body enhancers, Osu has drawn our attention to a serious matter that is spiraling out of control.

Osu, best known as a pioneer video vixen, is vexed that her contemporaries are doling out millions to doctors for “box yanshes”.

Describing the new inventions as “Spongebob Squarepants yansh”, she advised ladies to “do your yansh but do it nice”.

A word is enough for the yansh, sorry wise. Blame the printer’s devil.

 

Rev Chinedu sees lies

Three weeks ago, deceitful spirits snuck into the vision of a child of God to feed him lies about the Super Falcons’ fate in the Women’s World Cup.

That child of God is Reverend Simeon Chinedu Ononogbu, a former secretary of the Christian Association of Nigeria (CAN) in Ebonyi.

Rev Chinedu had predicted that the Falcons would reach the semis of the tournament but the German machines bulldozed the revelation away.

To defend his gaffe, Rev said: “We have so many spirits that can deceive people and if we are not careful, we will make mistakes such as this. We have fallen spirits that deceive the children of God because we are humans and weaker than the other spirits.

In conclusion, the seer maintains that this is merely a case of wrong interpretation.

 

Side-EYE

Nnamdi Kanu, foremost preacher of the Biafra gospel, recently threw a bait at believers of his gospel in Houston, Texas.

Hear him: “God gave you a gift in America to rescue us; if you like you can leave it. But I can assure you; if you have heard this gospel today, (and) you return to your homes and do nothing, you will never make heaven.”

He went on to add that “anybody that hates Biafra can never make heaven” because “in heaven, the angels speak the Igbo language”.

Preach on, Nnamdi.