TrueYarn: Regina’s Methuselah, Blackface’s Black Face & Movie Star Melaye

In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of click-bait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.

Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.

Here goes:

Melaye enters Nollywood

Except we want to start deceiving ourselves, Dino Melaye has always been an entertainer. So it was no surprise that he made his Nollywood debut after he got dumped from the senate.

It only took the skinny jeans-wearing senator a few hours before he switched lanes and moved to what appears to be his back up plan – a career in entertainment.

For someone who had just been booted out of his seat by the appeal court, it is no surprise that the TV series, ‘Equity Unbound’, is out to “ex-ray the quality of justice system in Nigeria”.

Just in case you didn’t know, Melaye is “not a greenhorn in acting”. He emerged as the best actor during his NYSC program many years ago.

To show his seriousness about the career change, Melaye said “if I have such opportunity again I won’t hesitate to take it”.

After releasing viral skits and competing with child-actor Emmanuella for social media relevance, fate couldn’t have dealt the singing senator a more lenient blow.

Omokri’s Presidency

Another week, another massive-scale goof by your favourite social media influencer cum Twitter lord.

Because Nigerians spend more money on hair and bleaching cream than they do on books, Uncle Reno Omokri believes the solution is to ban the importation of both beauty products.

Omokri said the ill thought out plan would be his first act as president, since it is more pressing than bad roads, security, economy, education and healthcare.

In Omokri’s government, there will be no such thing as free will – for it will corrupt Nigerians.

So much for being a staunch Buhari critic.

Regina’s Methuselah

In the Daniel-Nwoko household, the leading players have been coming out of late to talk about the marriage Nigerians cannot stop talking about.

First, it was Mama Bear Rita Daniel who assured concerned Nigerians that “small pikin” Regina possesses the wisdom of “old mama” despite being married to “one Methuselah”.

Rita insists that the 20-year-old and the nearly 60-year-old are deeply in love. The couple recently echoed her sentiment by letting us know that what they have is something close to love at first.

So, just in case you are still dazed by the 40 years between them, it’s okay to stop taking panadol for another person’s headache.

Meanwhile, Rita has a very important question for y’all: “What’s the difference between young boys and old-er men?”

Blackface’s black face

Blackface’s decade-old animosity towards 2baba Idibia is as important as a drug dealer berating a crack head for being a crack head. Pointless.

The Ghetto child can’t seem to outgrow his long-suffering envy of the music icon and he’s now keen on dragging their former co-collaborator, Faze, into it.

As a veteran hard lifer, Black is immune to an amicable resolution of anything – simply because with him everything has to be hard.

And since we are in the era of leaking DMs on social media, Black recorded and released his private phone conversation with Faze.

Faze’s offence? He performed with 2baba at the latter’s 20th year anniversary concert.

We have a dream that one day, Black shall once again see the light and find closure.

Side-EYE

Once upon a time, Konji led Kemen into Tboss’ bed – and he got evicted from the BBNaija house as a reward.

Ever since, Kemen has been judged by a different set of rules. Everything he did out there onward was wrong, even things that were good.

Much recently, Kemen spanked a lady’s bum in a comedy skit – and Nigerians now want him cancelled.

Is there anything Kemen can ever do right?