A word for Tonto Dikeh- Deola Erogunaiye-Olulana

 

How do one-time beautiful people become so vengeful, angered and bitter? The prayer of anyone getting married is to enjoy his or her marriage but where this doesn’t happen it causes deep rooted pain, regrets and sometimes, a relentless pursuit of revenge.

 

Our beautiful screen diva Tonto Dikeh is going through deep hurt and rather than seek help and learn how to handle her issues privately, she is reacting deeply and showing her pains on social media. She is so angry she is not thinking of the damage her anger will have on herself and on her son.

 

Pain is horrible, I have walked similar shoes and it takes grace to forgive, it takes maturity to understand that silence could be golden.

 

I tell the women I have had the privilege to mentor or talk with that when you are dealing with your ex especially in the court of law, mediation centre, or family meeting, go in as your own advocate.

 

You see, professionally, women are so intelligent and deliver a task given to them with their all. At that point, we use tactics, we apply strategies. We think and work logicallly because we are in the board room or on the negotiating table. But you should apply the same business strategies and not emotions when the music of love has ended, as hard as it is, you should deal with the issues not the person. Be logical and not emotional, it is not an easy task because you just want to avenge but the question to ask is: “is it worth it?”

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Once your ex knows that you will yell, rant, or get mad, he usually would taunt you privately and quietly, touching on your last nerves. They know you fairly well enough to be able to predict your reaction and you would do well to disappoint them by wisely responding to the issues if and when the need arises or simply just walk away.

 

I remember prepping one of our women for her divorce proceedings,  during our moot proceedings, I acted as her ex and accused her of infidelity which is something a decent woman would fight with her last honour. You can only imagine her reaction amidst tears. Of course, she should not go into the court room with such emotions and attitude because the petitioner’s counsel and his client were only seeking to discredit her before the court, even though they may have no evidence to prove their claims and breaking down would weaken her defence.

 

In her circumstance, all the Petitioner’s counsel sought to do in court on that day was target her psyche and emotions and so she needed to be in control of her emotions and comport herself. I told her when you are out of court, go to a wonderful corner and cry out your emotions all you want but only after you are out of the witness box.

 

Of course, as expected, this woman was so calm during the proceedings in faraway Balyesa State where the petitioner had filed the case knowing that the lady knew no one in Balyesa and he never imagined she could pay her way through each adjourned dates. He was super shocked at her demeanour. Their tactics failed and even though the onus was on him to prove that she was involved in infidelity, he had no evidence to so do.

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Tonto needs to know that sometimes silence is golden, she needs to breathe and understand how to manage her pain without hurting herself, her image as a celebrity and protect her son.

 

I have read comments asking whether she is the only women whose ex has left, I know she is not, but I sincerely hope she can mourn the end of that relationship sooner. I hope she finds peace earlier than later and emotional support at this time, I hope she can see a future worthy enough to heal for.

 

Now to every woman or man at the early stages of pain, no one is worth hanging on to your hurt or pains for, when we go down this route, we empower our pain, we fuel or anger. It is time to move on, seek help, do it for YOU, do it for your children. Remember do not fight dirty.

 

I pray Tonto heals and heals fast!

 

Mrs Erogunaiye- Olulana is a Legal Practitioner and Founder of Precious and Pretty Moms