In this age of social media, if you blink twice, you may miss something. And because everything is now fast-paced, clarity is often lost in the noise of click-bait headlines, unending chatter of Twitter lords and visual excesses of Instagram sensations.

Enters TrueYarn to sift through the clutter, offer some insight, common sense and help you read between the lines of the ‘things wey dey happen for obodo Naija’.

Here goes:

The slapping hand of Elisha

Behold, Elisha struck a damsel multiple times in the house of sex and with that, his residency of the hallowed chambers is now threatened.

But what drew young Elisha’s ire? What caused him to lay hands on another?

It is said that the senator representing Adamawa north, a regular visitor to the Abuja sex toy shop, got incensed by a comment made after one of his potential foursome co-stars puked her guts out.

Although a viral video shows Elisha Abbo in a fit of anger after being begged to “take it easy”, he insists that “it’s an old video that happened long before I became a senator”.

He has a point; As a senator, he’d send his police orderly to obtain his sex gadgets for future threesomes and foursomes — and all this mess would have been avoided.

Marley’s ‘Soapy’ nonsense

It’s hard to disagree with music journalist, Joey Akan, who recently said “Marlians stand for iranu. They stand for rubbish. And they stand for normalization of rubbish”.

His comments stemmed from Naira Marley’s ‘Soapy’ single, which shows his affinity for masturbation and an apparent lack of common sense.

Apart from recording a ‘masturbation anthem’, the EFCC ex-tenant also created a dance mimicking the act of masturbation — while the song’s artwork is a suggestive liquid soap.

That normal human beings are dancing ‘Soapy’ further validates Akan’s comment that “Marlians are a stupid bunch. A band of nitwits in the idea of foolishness”.

All hail Toke’s doctor

Gone are the days when Toke Makinwa was tagged ‘Miss One-sided hip‘. The OAP has come a long way from that fateful night in September 2018 when her dress betrayed her newly acquired hip.

These days, everything is starting to align and make sense, such that Miss Makinwa could easily become the face of apple bottom jeans.

Even the media personality agrees that “things are changing, I’ve come so far from the girl that was unsure to the grown woman taking charge”.

View this post on Instagram

This was not meant to be part of the shoot, this shot was a test one. @felixcrown was trying to get the right light and he got this shot and all I could think of was art. Being comfortable in who I am, not conforming to any standards , feeling confident and loving a new season. Things are changing, I’ve come so far from the girl that was unsure to the grown woman taking charge, running businesses, dreaming big and it won’t stop. Thought to usher you in to the month of July feeling how I am feeling, I hope you stand out and make your own rules, I hope you fall only to get right up to do it again, i hope you win ❤️ To my creative team @dami_oke @anitabrows @bernardsmiless I love you all like I love my bum 😂😂😂😂😂 Aterrrrrrrsssssssss in Risky’s voice, kizzzz it.

A post shared by Toke Makinwa (@tokemakinwa) on

In this age of square butts and botched butt jobs, Toke Makinwa is a clear forerunner.

Simbee’s grand folly

Simbee Davis, a previously unknown upcoming actor and singer, needs prompt psychological evaluation — for her own good.

Following Busola Dakolo’s allegations against Pastor Gucci of COZA, Davis announced on Instagram that MC Galaxy raped her about 10 years ago.

She said the artiste “bought Postinor 2” for her after the alleged rape took place. Ordinarily, the story seemed believable but according to the unintelligent Davis, “it’s all entertainment”.

To defend her fake allegation, she says: “I’ve been posting my songs and no one ever reposted or blogged it, small scandal I came up with my name is everywhere.”

As further justification, she adds: “I’m an actor and I can choose to act or write anything I want.”

Davis is one of the reasons people tend to doubt genuine victims of abuse. She is daft, silly and empty.

Side-EYE

The first fight of BBNaija 2019 was an unoriginal fish war between Thelma and Tacha.

The verbal altercation seemed so scripted that Keeping Up With The Kardashians appears more genuine.

My people, have sense!